When I started the diet, Melissa warned me that when telling people about it--or manifesting the results--I would get negative responses. Naif that I am, this amazed me... though I am old and jaded enough that it did strike me as plausible.
I have to say, though, I have gotten very few--just these, with names removed to protect the guilty.
1) "You have to exercise to lose weight." This person was expressing in an untypically preachy way the greatest misconception that I have come across. This is a misconception I didn't have myself, because previous diets I tried involved no exercise and worked, albeit not as well as this one, and I have gained fat while doing frequent, rigorous exercise. But almost everyone assumes that you have to exercise to lose weight. They are amazed when I tell them you don't. Read my lips. See the pictures. I've lost 102 lbs. while being a couch potato, my most strenuous exercise being housework and recreational swimming. Couch potatoes, rejoice!
2) "You're losing weight too fast... setting yourself up for a rebound." Thank you, Mr/s. Positive. Not rebounding is covered in the IP diet (it's called "Phase 4") and, like losing in the first place, is a matter of choice.
3) "Stop! You should stay right there, you've lost enough!" Now sometimes this comes out of genuine, legitimate concern, on the part of people who just aren't used to seeing me slender, so that I appear relatively emaciated. I have learned, when I mention I've lost 90+ lbs., to add quickly that it was by choice... people can think you have cancer or some other severe disease if you don't. But it can also be, as Jane suggested, jealousy. (See previous post re competitiveness.) Some people--okay, I'll call a spade a space, women--don't want another woman to climb higher than them on the status-scale of svelteness. Regardless, what I tell them is that my goal is calculated from my adult weight when I was younger.
But that's it, really, for the negative comments. I'll just add one more pickle-puss reaction that Melissa, not me, got: "You've got wrinkles now!"
My first reaction to this reaction was,"And you have a lovely day, in the deepest pit of hell, too, darling!" That was before I burned off enough fat to learn there was truth in those words--since my wrinkles got worse. I'd already observed my skin sagging on the parts of my body where it had previously been most stretched: tummy, under my arms, etc. But at 80 lbs. or so, I really started noticing my facial wrinkles growing deeper and sharper, and the skin under my chin becoming lined. Fact is, on this diet the fat goes much faster than the skin can tighten up, apparently even if you're young.
So for now I am telling myself "I look more distinguished! My face has more character!" while I cross my fingers hoping that I'm still young and healthy enough that my skin will tighten up, and researching wrinkle creams and so forth.
For me, however, 99.9% of the reactions have been unequivocally positive. The immediate ones go roughly like this:
20-39 lbs.: "That's great, good for you!"
40-60 lbs.: "Wow, that's a lot of weight, you look fantastic!"
60-79 lbs.: "Wow, that's really impressive, what an achievement, you're an inspiration, you're disappearing!"
80-100 lbs.: "OH MY GOD!!! HOLY SH@#$%&&! I didn't know that was YOU!" (And if they haven't seen you in months, they cannot recognize you from behind.)
It gets more and more fun as you lose more. Almost this alone is worth the price of admission.
From my experience, the vast majority of people are genuinely happy for you.
--
Thursday, December 20, 2012
I did it...!!!
Yes... at my weigh-in today, after being stuck at 97 lbs. down for two weeks, I tipped the scale at 141, or 102 lbs. down.
I have been meaning to update here for a while... even have a bit of a stockpile of recipes built up... but something has been stopping me, and I'm not even sure what. It's almost as if some part of me feels I ought not to broadcast how much weight I've lost, not share my success, not crow... as if it's bragging and therefore somehow wrong. Am I proud of myself? Absolutely--and justifiably, considering what I have sunk into it in terms of money, self-restraint and creative cooking energy (though that third one has been fun). Do I regret it in the slightest? Absolutely not; my only regret is not having lost it faster. Do I have any reason to be embarrassed? No... but for some reason I am.
I know that I have learned some uncomfortable truths about my own and my culture's prejudices about fat, just by looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the changes in the meaning of what I was seeing. The time I looked at myself trying on an outfit in the fitting-room mirror and thought "OMG... I'm hot!"... well, of course we desexualize heavy people; in our culture's standard of beauty, fat is ugly, QED. So that one wasn't a surprise.
It was more awful to look at myself and be struck that I looked more credible. Or more important... professional... someone to be taken more seriously. Of course, our culture making judgments like that is hardly news; not if you look at the studies on which personality traits are associated with fatness, the stats on employment prospects, etc. But I didn't think I was doing that...!
Did I really think these things about overweight people? And had I, therefore, previously thought them about myself? Was I going to continue to have such prejudices, even if I was determined not to, because they really are subconscious? How had this affected how I treated people in the past, and how would it in the future?
Three traits that are obviously associated with fat are gluttony, laziness and lack of discipline... so it occurred to me that for years, people were getting the wrong impression of me from my weight. They might have been somewhat right about the gluttony part (in case you haven't noticed, I love food), and I admit I have become much less mobile in the past 10-15 years. But you don't write 1,000-2,000 words every weekday while maintaining two other jobs if you're lazy--in fact I had to cut down to stave off burnout--and you don't get a black belt in karate if you don't have discipline. But people see what's on the surface.
Given that fat is generally vilified... how many people looked down on me more than they would have if I'd maintained a weight of 140 lbs. or so for my full adult life? How much did that damage my already-mangled self-esteem? Would I have been handed opportunities I was not? How different would my love life have been? Would I have made more friends? I will never know. There is no point in thinking about it, beyond writing this paragraph. There is only going forward.
I don't want to think that I think better of myself now than I did. But I do... there's no two ways about it. How many people have I told that my self-esteem and my social self-confidence have gone through the roof? I love the way I look and the way I feel. I think I look more credible. [Smacks cheekbone-showing cheek with skinny hand.]
There is no question that svelteness is associated with higher social status. Including by me. As I've shrunk, I've been more and more inclined to dress more upscale and elegant, despite my relatively-scant means. (If you frequent places such as Value Village, have an eye for quality and a willingness to search, you can do it.) At one event I attended where I was called upon to dress in black and red, and added gold, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, 'I can't believe I'm dressing so well, creating such a feeling of luxury and richness...!' I've never done that before in my life. When I was previously this slender, my self-esteem was so deep in the crapper that I would never have given myself permission.
And it's okay to do this, of course... but what does it all say about my own attitudes re weight?
I'm embarrassed by the whole thing. It has an ickiness that makes me just want to turn away and not think about it. That ickiness is not just in me; it permeates our whole culture. Which is why it seems so massive; why I feel helpless in the face of it, and therefore would just rather not think about it.
The part of me that buys into it makes me feel like now that I'm hitting my goal, I'm rising above and lording it over anyone who is now fatter than me. There's this ugly competitive aspect to it, that part of me embraces and the rest of me hates that part for. This is what's bothering me; this is why I've been stopped from posting here, once I got to a certain point...! Up to 60 or 70 lbs. down, it somehow didn't matter... I was still struggling, still going for broke, still just dreaming... still the underdog in this fight. As soon as I became the winner... I wanted to stop all the positive-positive-positive talk, stop sharing my recipes (since they seem like showing off my mastery of this process), stop crowing, when most would say I most deserve to. I just want to hide away from the whole thing.
Probably there's something even deeper here that I am not inclined to explore yet.
I am not proud of what I have revealed here.
I am determined to treat everyone well, and banish the misperceptions. I hope I can.
I will crow this much: I did it.
And I will also say: if I can, so can you.
--
I have been meaning to update here for a while... even have a bit of a stockpile of recipes built up... but something has been stopping me, and I'm not even sure what. It's almost as if some part of me feels I ought not to broadcast how much weight I've lost, not share my success, not crow... as if it's bragging and therefore somehow wrong. Am I proud of myself? Absolutely--and justifiably, considering what I have sunk into it in terms of money, self-restraint and creative cooking energy (though that third one has been fun). Do I regret it in the slightest? Absolutely not; my only regret is not having lost it faster. Do I have any reason to be embarrassed? No... but for some reason I am.
I know that I have learned some uncomfortable truths about my own and my culture's prejudices about fat, just by looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the changes in the meaning of what I was seeing. The time I looked at myself trying on an outfit in the fitting-room mirror and thought "OMG... I'm hot!"... well, of course we desexualize heavy people; in our culture's standard of beauty, fat is ugly, QED. So that one wasn't a surprise.
It was more awful to look at myself and be struck that I looked more credible. Or more important... professional... someone to be taken more seriously. Of course, our culture making judgments like that is hardly news; not if you look at the studies on which personality traits are associated with fatness, the stats on employment prospects, etc. But I didn't think I was doing that...!
Did I really think these things about overweight people? And had I, therefore, previously thought them about myself? Was I going to continue to have such prejudices, even if I was determined not to, because they really are subconscious? How had this affected how I treated people in the past, and how would it in the future?
Three traits that are obviously associated with fat are gluttony, laziness and lack of discipline... so it occurred to me that for years, people were getting the wrong impression of me from my weight. They might have been somewhat right about the gluttony part (in case you haven't noticed, I love food), and I admit I have become much less mobile in the past 10-15 years. But you don't write 1,000-2,000 words every weekday while maintaining two other jobs if you're lazy--in fact I had to cut down to stave off burnout--and you don't get a black belt in karate if you don't have discipline. But people see what's on the surface.
Given that fat is generally vilified... how many people looked down on me more than they would have if I'd maintained a weight of 140 lbs. or so for my full adult life? How much did that damage my already-mangled self-esteem? Would I have been handed opportunities I was not? How different would my love life have been? Would I have made more friends? I will never know. There is no point in thinking about it, beyond writing this paragraph. There is only going forward.
I don't want to think that I think better of myself now than I did. But I do... there's no two ways about it. How many people have I told that my self-esteem and my social self-confidence have gone through the roof? I love the way I look and the way I feel. I think I look more credible. [Smacks cheekbone-showing cheek with skinny hand.]
There is no question that svelteness is associated with higher social status. Including by me. As I've shrunk, I've been more and more inclined to dress more upscale and elegant, despite my relatively-scant means. (If you frequent places such as Value Village, have an eye for quality and a willingness to search, you can do it.) At one event I attended where I was called upon to dress in black and red, and added gold, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, 'I can't believe I'm dressing so well, creating such a feeling of luxury and richness...!' I've never done that before in my life. When I was previously this slender, my self-esteem was so deep in the crapper that I would never have given myself permission.
And it's okay to do this, of course... but what does it all say about my own attitudes re weight?
I'm embarrassed by the whole thing. It has an ickiness that makes me just want to turn away and not think about it. That ickiness is not just in me; it permeates our whole culture. Which is why it seems so massive; why I feel helpless in the face of it, and therefore would just rather not think about it.
The part of me that buys into it makes me feel like now that I'm hitting my goal, I'm rising above and lording it over anyone who is now fatter than me. There's this ugly competitive aspect to it, that part of me embraces and the rest of me hates that part for. This is what's bothering me; this is why I've been stopped from posting here, once I got to a certain point...! Up to 60 or 70 lbs. down, it somehow didn't matter... I was still struggling, still going for broke, still just dreaming... still the underdog in this fight. As soon as I became the winner... I wanted to stop all the positive-positive-positive talk, stop sharing my recipes (since they seem like showing off my mastery of this process), stop crowing, when most would say I most deserve to. I just want to hide away from the whole thing.
Probably there's something even deeper here that I am not inclined to explore yet.
I am not proud of what I have revealed here.
I am determined to treat everyone well, and banish the misperceptions. I hope I can.
I will crow this much: I did it.
And I will also say: if I can, so can you.
--
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Clothing goal attained
I have this absolutely gorgeous black and dark-green satin chongsam, embroidered all over, that dates back from the 80s... I can't even remember how my ex and I acquired it, but I think I only wore it a few times before I got too big to. I just tried it on now. Three months ago I couldn't even have got my shoulders into it; now I can, but it's still too small around the middle.
But I will wear it. I am certain of that.
Ta da!
 |
| Oct. 16, 2012 - down 83 lbs. |
IP Masala Tomato
Basil Soup
I’ve been on a serious Clubhouse Indian Masala kick
lately. That’s another one of these
packaged seasonings made by Clubhouse that I’ve been experimenting with. They are high-quality in my opinion, even if
you can get them at your average supermarket.
The first one I tried was the Greek mix much used by Melissa and Marv—a
good sign of things to come.
Anyway, this soup came about when I wondered how the Indian Masala spice mix would go with IP
Tomato Basil soup. It involves three
pans, a lot of garlic, daikon for texture and the trick of adding uncooked onion
at the last minute.
1 package IP Tomato Basil Soup, mixed as usual
1 bulb garlic
1 tsp olive oil
Zucchini \
Daikon ---
chopped, 2 cups
Red pepper
Sweet onion /
Black pepper to taste
½ tsp curry powder
2 tsp Clubhouse Indian Masala
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
Steam/boil cauliflower to tenderness. Divide the bulb of garlic into cloves without
removing skins from cloves, scorch in dry frying pan at medium high until they
have black patches on all sides. Saute
the other veggies except the onion in the
oil at medium low, adding black pepper, curry powder and masala. When
they’re tenderish, add chicken stock and minced garlic. Take garlic cloves off heat. Drain cauliflower, add to other veggies. Turn down to low, add soup. Peel garlic cloves while soup is heating, add
to mix. Serve into soup bowl, add
onions, mix and serve.
If the whole bulb of garlic is too much for you, omit and
replace with more daikon, mushrooms, etc.
You can also cut back on the sweet onion so it’s just a soupçon. This was a total bowl-licker for me and
you’re talking to a woman who has always hated
tomato soup.
Non IP version: use canned tomato soup and add some
basil. I think. Can’t try it yet.
How cool is this? Not
only am I going to come away from this diet 100 lbs. lighter, but with a bunch
of new recipes.
Hitting difficulty (Day 159)
 |
| Sept. 11, 2012. Triumphal picture after the Muskoka Novel Marathon raised a record-smashing $15K. One or two people who saw this shot said they couldn't spot me at first. Of course, they were trying to spot me by my former girth. But it no longer stands out. The three left-most folks are all YMCA staff, including the amazing Nancy West, third from left. Beside me is my awesome co-convenor, Paula Boon. |
This post is the difficult one I promised I'd write ages ago. But it was mostly written early September.
As of now I am down 70 lbs. (Sorry it's seeming to go backwards.)
I am more inclined to enhance my appearance in other ways, too. I've been very blessed with hand-me-down clothes from a couple of dieting friends, and have made the most of that. (It helps that Melissa's sense of style is similar to mine.) I've started using a curl-enhancing product on my hair, and decided to let it keep growing longer to make up for the thinning on top. I am more likely to pose attractively now. I wear more jewellery. Trying to look good no longer seems utterly futile.
I'm in the endgame now, the reward after paying the dues... where five pounds more loss is much more noticeable because it's a bigger portion of what extra fat is left, where muscles and bones that were hidden under fat are emerging, both to sight and to touch. I rub my hands together because they feel bonier and more tendony. I palpate my own arms because the biceps are so much easier to feel. I lay my hand inadvertently on a thigh, feel the muscle and am amazed.
The reactions are going from merely encouraging to astounded. Before, people would say, "That's great, good for you, keep going!" Now they say "That's incredible, you look fantastic, you're a transformed person!" I'm getting more used to the slender version of me in the mirror; I changed my build description on OKCupid from "curvy" to "average." (I figure average is carrying a bit of extra weight.)
Another common response is "You're disappearing" or "You're wasting away!" I think there's even a little fear around this one. I purposely came up with a line to answer it: "It's okay, the parts that count will stick around... the mind... the heart... the bones..." It works. They usually do a big laugh and are reassured.
I've even had a person or two tell me I should stop now because I've lost enough. I generally say "to heck with that! I want to look like"--pointing at very svelte person--"her."
That sometimes gets a bit of a shocked, even almost offended, reaction. As if I'm not entitled to be that slender, for some reason.
"Oh yes," Jane (whose other job didn't work out, so she came back to MediSpa) says knowingly, when I tell her about it. "People will get jealous."
"Don't get jealous!" I want to tell such people. "Just do it yourself! Holy crap, why envy when there's an opportunity like this--just grab it!"
But the worst fight is always with ourselves.
First thing I noticed was increased hunger, and stronger urges to cheat. A kind of rebellion against the regimen, it seemed like... telling myself, I can afford more microcheats! I stopped using the book for a while... you recall in the last post I mentioned I'd stopped updating it daily. I left off using it all for a couple of weeks. Then started again... then stopped, and think it's okay not to use it now.
I was hit with a depression, at least by my current standards (by my previous standards I'd have called it "normal life." I've figured out ways to make myself happier since then. The diet is only part of what I have done to transform my life.) Insomnia again (I have the wake-up-too-early kind, 3 or 4 a.m.), a lot of anxiety and guilt and anger and desire not to work.
Then there was a party, and everyone else was drinking wine... I was having more fatty meats during the week... probably I cheated every day. The scale hit me with a big fat zero that week... I actually thought I'd sort of got away with it all, in that I hadn't gained. But none of this was where I wanted to go. At the beginning I'd planned to lose 5 lbs. a week... but I never quite got that, in truth. And now I felt I was slowing down.
To find out for sure, I averaged the first 10 weeks, not counting the amazing first water-shedding week (Apr 13-June 22), then the last 10 but one (June 20-Aug 30). First 10 I lost 3.1 lbs. per week... low but still within the "3-5 lbs. on average" the IP folks promise. But the second 10, it was only 2.3 per week.
I hit a kind of crisis point emotionally yesterday... almost blowing up at an editor for trying to assign me too many stories, feeling like my life was going off the rails. I had to take care of myself... needed a good talk with my spirit guides. If you want to know more about them see here. I didn't know what was wrong. If you know how to listen, you can get that which is eternal--your wiser or higher self, some might say--to tell you.
I just call them spirit guides, and they told me:
"Physical attractiveness is an emotional minefield for you. What you’ve done is put your physical attractiveness through the roof. Part of what is bothering you is resistance to that. This is why you were cheating last week… you felt like you were hurtling and wanted to stop it for a bit." (I wouldn't call 2.3 lbs. per week hurtling... well, okay, maybe I would. I'm used to the standards of other diets.)
Changing this much is confronting. To other people, yes; but the worst fight is with ourselves. Just as some others feel at some level that it is not appropriate to me, I feel that myself. I meant to write a "my psychology of fat" blogpost... you'll see it's still there, under construction. I am glad now that I didn't write it, because I didn't fully understand my own psychology of fat as I do now.
And of course, a recipe. I thought... broccoli-cheese soup... what goes with broccoli and cheese? Tomatoes, of course. What spice tastes like tomatoes? Paprika. It worked...
Asparagus Paprika Broccoli & Cheese Soup
1 packet IP Broccoli & Cheese Soup, mixed as usual
1 tsp paprika
Asparagus, chopped coarsely \ ____ 2 cups
Assorted mushrooms, chopped coarsely /
¼ cup low-carb chicken stock
1 tsp chopped garlic
½ tbsp facon bits (fake bacon, that is)
2 slices onion, chopped finely
Sea salt & pepper to taste
Include the paprika when you’re mixing the soup. (I actually include the salt & pepper too, but that’s because I know how much I’ll like.) Heat a fry pan up to medium high, sear the asparagus and mushrooms until asparagus is bright green and a little scorched. Turn down heat to about medium, add chicken stock (step back when you do this). Idea here is mostly to cool down the pan. Add garlic, cook for a bit, add facon bits (don’t forget to add their carb content to your count), turn down heat to medium low and add soup, stirring thoroughly. Add chopped onion (remember, it’s a cheat to cook it; you’re just heating it up a bit.) Season with salt & pepper and serve.
--
Sunday, September 23, 2012
IP Compliant Souvlaki Chicken Soup (Day... um... 150 or so?)
Okay, before you ask what I’ve been smoking (which I could,
because weed is zero-zero-zero and therefore the IP diet doesn’t prohibit it), a little education on what creates that
delicious souvlaki flavour. The secret
is to combine the flavour of meat—which by Greek tradition can be chicken,
lamb, beef or pork, they all work—with four seasonings: olive oil, garlic,
oregano and lemon, and create the grilled flavour also.
Before I get to that... I am down 74 lbs. as of last Monday, meaning it's probably more like 76 or 77 now. I've started a longish blogpost about hitting an emotional wall with it, which I kind of did, which I will post, I guess, when I'm ready to. There are more things I've learned:
1) If you microcheat too much, more like mesocheat, not even megacheat, the scale will smack you.
2) Smoked turkey thigh fried with no oil but a little piri piri seasoning is really good.
3) As long as their shells are unbroken, eggs last way way longer than I thought they would. (I don't eat them because I always want meat for dinner, but my sons do, so I have to have some in the fridge, but they rarely do.)
3) enough that I can now do a quite delicious veggie soup for lunch every time, so I've started to look forward to what previously was my least favourite meal in Phase I.
So I'll get to hitting the wall and so forth in a subsequent post. This one is about a complete Phase 1 lunch entitled:
IP Compliant Souvlaki Chicken Soup
1 package IP chicken-flavoured soup, mixed in your shaker as usual
Enough diced green peppers, red peppers, mushrooms, zucchini
and green onions to make 2 cups (though I want to try it with all mushrooms and
eggplant one of these days…tomato would be nice too.)
2 tsp olive oil (maxed for the day!)
2 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
3 tbsp chopped garlic
1 tbsp good Greek oregano (I have Krinos)
1 tbsp lemon juice (if this seems like too much, add it
gradually. First attempt at this, I
added way too much lemon juice…. ecccchhhh.)
Sea salt and pepper to taste
Scorch the vegetables in the olive oil until browned (hence
the grilled flavour). Lower the heat,
cool the pan with chicken stock, add pepper, garlic and oregano, cook stirring
until garlic is cooked. Add soup and
lemon juice then salt to taste (I use none because there’s enough for me in the soup),
heat up to eating-hot and serve. Another bowl-licker.
Oh and here's a pic. Me at the Muskoka Novel Marathon Wrap-up Party, Sept. 22:
Oh and here's a pic. Me at the Muskoka Novel Marathon Wrap-up Party, Sept. 22:
 |
| Sept. 22, 2012 - down 74 lbs. |
--
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Swimming (Day 123)
(The fact that it's Day 123 was calculated after catching up on my journal. I am very bad... I have gotten out of the habit of journalling meal by meal or even day by day. The journal I originally needed as a checklist to make sure I was doing everything necessary--it has check boxes for all the supplements, 10 8-oz amounts of water, etc., plus blanks to fill in your meals and add up your carb count. But now I am so much in the routine of the diet I could do it in my sleep, no checklist needed, so I get a little... negligent.)
In fact I've been bad other ways this week, and have a feeling I'll pay for it on weigh-in day. I've crept a little into Phase Two by having meat with lunch a couple of times this week, basically because my fridge was on the fritz and it was going to go bad otherwise. Then there was the veggie curry Thai dish I had for lunch yesterday, coconut-milk based. I don't need my coaches to tell me that was a no-no... my tastebuds know full well, the guilty little demons.
I'm being very good for the rest of this week.
But what I really came here to write about was swimming, something I have always loved to do. I like to do it in freshwater lakes and rivers, not chlorine-infested pools, so it is pretty much a summer activity, though I start earlier than most people. This year it was during the March Break heat wave; the ice was melted back from the shore enough that I could get most of myself immersed if I sat down. Then over April, May and June, Lake of Bays warmed up nicely and is now at its very pleasant summer temperature. And I've been wondering, with all this fat loss (62 lbs. as of Aug. 5) ...would I notice a difference?
In case you don't know, the higher your body fat content, the more buoyant you are, because fat is lighter than water. (See here for Lynn Johnston's take on it.) Over the years as I've gained weight, I've noticed it getting easier to stay afloat. When I was a kid, I had to do the eggbeater kick or scull constantly, usually alternating, to tread water, whereas in recent summers I've just had to scull, and not very hard. So this summer I've expected a sudden reversal, akin to the one time I went swimming when I was about eight months pregnant, and freaked myself out in the deep end by how much my body wanted to sink (I hadn't been swimming since very early in the pregnancy).
Tell the truth, it's been nothing like that, probably because it's been more gradual. I hardly noticed anything at first. I think what happened was... well, two things. First, I don't tread water all that much; I'm usually moving, most often doing breast-stroke. Second, I think my body has just automatically kicked into swimming more like I used to when I weighed less, and it's still familiar, so it doesn't feel that different.
However, yesterday, I decided purposely to try treading water. Sure enough, I have to alternate between kicking eggbeater style and fast sculling to stay up, again.
The other clear difference I notice is that when I swim underwater, which I dearly love to do, it is much easier to stay down. If I were a scuba-diver, I'd need fewer belt-weights. So I'm more likely to go longer distances, as I'm expending less energy pointing and pulling myself downwards. I think I'm also more aquadynamic, displacing less water as I move through it so that it takes less energy to go further, faster.
I feel more sleek, more like a dolphin than a whale. Like everything else with this diet, it's a good feeling.
And this would hardly be a proper Ideal Protein Days blogpost without a recipe, so...
Thai Tomato Basil Soup
Meh, this is so simple it doesn't even need a formal recipe. Just cook your veggies--I did it with asparagus but I think it would work with any except zucchini or brussels sprouts--in low-C chicken stock, pepper and chopped garlic, combine with the soup and add Clubhouse Thai seasoning to taste (in my case it must have been a tablespoon). This was another bowl-licker for me. You'd never guess a protein packet was involved.
--
In fact I've been bad other ways this week, and have a feeling I'll pay for it on weigh-in day. I've crept a little into Phase Two by having meat with lunch a couple of times this week, basically because my fridge was on the fritz and it was going to go bad otherwise. Then there was the veggie curry Thai dish I had for lunch yesterday, coconut-milk based. I don't need my coaches to tell me that was a no-no... my tastebuds know full well, the guilty little demons.
I'm being very good for the rest of this week.
But what I really came here to write about was swimming, something I have always loved to do. I like to do it in freshwater lakes and rivers, not chlorine-infested pools, so it is pretty much a summer activity, though I start earlier than most people. This year it was during the March Break heat wave; the ice was melted back from the shore enough that I could get most of myself immersed if I sat down. Then over April, May and June, Lake of Bays warmed up nicely and is now at its very pleasant summer temperature. And I've been wondering, with all this fat loss (62 lbs. as of Aug. 5) ...would I notice a difference?
In case you don't know, the higher your body fat content, the more buoyant you are, because fat is lighter than water. (See here for Lynn Johnston's take on it.) Over the years as I've gained weight, I've noticed it getting easier to stay afloat. When I was a kid, I had to do the eggbeater kick or scull constantly, usually alternating, to tread water, whereas in recent summers I've just had to scull, and not very hard. So this summer I've expected a sudden reversal, akin to the one time I went swimming when I was about eight months pregnant, and freaked myself out in the deep end by how much my body wanted to sink (I hadn't been swimming since very early in the pregnancy).
Tell the truth, it's been nothing like that, probably because it's been more gradual. I hardly noticed anything at first. I think what happened was... well, two things. First, I don't tread water all that much; I'm usually moving, most often doing breast-stroke. Second, I think my body has just automatically kicked into swimming more like I used to when I weighed less, and it's still familiar, so it doesn't feel that different.
However, yesterday, I decided purposely to try treading water. Sure enough, I have to alternate between kicking eggbeater style and fast sculling to stay up, again.
The other clear difference I notice is that when I swim underwater, which I dearly love to do, it is much easier to stay down. If I were a scuba-diver, I'd need fewer belt-weights. So I'm more likely to go longer distances, as I'm expending less energy pointing and pulling myself downwards. I think I'm also more aquadynamic, displacing less water as I move through it so that it takes less energy to go further, faster.
I feel more sleek, more like a dolphin than a whale. Like everything else with this diet, it's a good feeling.
And this would hardly be a proper Ideal Protein Days blogpost without a recipe, so...
Thai Tomato Basil Soup
Meh, this is so simple it doesn't even need a formal recipe. Just cook your veggies--I did it with asparagus but I think it would work with any except zucchini or brussels sprouts--in low-C chicken stock, pepper and chopped garlic, combine with the soup and add Clubhouse Thai seasoning to taste (in my case it must have been a tablespoon). This was another bowl-licker for me. You'd never guess a protein packet was involved.
--
Sunday, July 29, 2012
And I thought *my* weight-loss was impressive (Day 114)
At this point, I am down 58 lbs. total and can no longer wear any of my existing pairs of pants without either a belt or a clip in the case of elastic waists. Else they're down around my ankles. Which is a fashion statement of a kind, of course, but one I prefer not to state. One of these days, I'm going to get some pictures onto this blog, as I am less ashamed of what I look like, now. I was hesitant to post a "before" picture out of shame but now the sting is out of the shame. Done!
I do look back, unfortunately, with a certain amount of disgust. As I said, it's in our culture.
I feel lighter on my feet--I'm always feeling lighter, and still lighter, and then lighter again, on my feet--plus more physically capable and inclined. I handle better, especially on corners. Walking feels different in a way that's hard to describe... almost not quite right, like I'm not sure where my balance is, though I'm not staggering. Or maybe it's disorientingly easy. It's really nice not having my inner thighs rubbing together.
I also handle heat better. Just now I remembered that the forecast high today is 29 (Celsius), so I checked the temperature out of curiousity (it's about 1 p.m., close to when we usually hit the high) and found it was 28. I was like, "No way! There is no way it is that hot!" I would have guessed maybe 23 or 24, and was wondering whether the forecast was wrong.
In previous recent summers, I would have been very uncomfortable, brain-fried and unable to work without a big-ass fan trained on me (or fleeing inside into the A/C) with my feet swollen up so much they almost hurt. Whatever the physiological reason is for heavy people finding heat hard to handle, it no longer applies to me, or at least not to the same degree. The real test will be when I go to Cuba in November. Rico rico!
Another difference: on hot days, I still go for fairly frequent swims. I no longer wear sandals for the walk from the gravelled parking lot to the beach, however; I go barefoot. This is because with 58 fewer pounds pressing my soles into the stones, it doesn't really hurt any more. There's a sense of freedom to it, like when I was a kid and went everywhere barefoot in summer.
These changes are all amazing and wonderful, but they pale in comparison to what another person I know of must be experiencing.
Last weigh-in, my coach told me that Medispa's Ideal Protein customers, over the year and a half they've been offering the program, have collectively lost more than 8,000 lbs. I had vague notions of being the champion, once I've lost the whole 100 lbs, but she let me know I'm not even close. They have a female client who has lost 180.
Can you imagine that? How different must she look and feel! How must her life have changed! I try to imagine losing three times what I have, and I can't even do it. I asked the coach how she feels emotionally: "Giddy." I bet!
As you probably know, I am a freelance journalist, and hearing this of course pinged my newsy's antennae. 180 lbs. is definitely newspaper-worthy, imo, so long as the client is willing to be so open publicly about it. I have emailed my editor with the idea, and if she likes it, I'll ask the coach to contact the client. I really hope she says yes, and yes also to before-and-after pics. They must be gob-smacking. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile, in my kitchen adventures, I have begun to experiment with cooking vegetables in a very hot skillet, searing them to burned on the outside while only slightly done on the inside so as to get that carbonized, barbecue-ish flavour. I once had a short-lived romance with a person who always used pans that were quite hot, and so learned this approach by observation.
This next soup may or may not work with your skillet at low medium; I don't know, I've only tried it this way. It was also my first experiment with cooking daikon, which I think worked.
Mushroom Chicken Soup
1 packet IP Chicken Flavoured Soup, mixed in your shaker as usual
2 portabella mushrooms, diced
6-8 snow peas, cut into quarters
1 tablespoon diced daikon
2 tablespoons chopped red onions
1 tsp olive oil
sea salt, pepper and Greek-style spice mix to taste
Heat up the pan with the oil spread over the bottom at high medium until it starts smoking. Throw in the onions, cook just long enough, stirring frequently, to turn their surfaces golden brown while they remain raw inside--remember, you're not supposed to have cooked onions, this is a micro-cheat--then remove them from the heat. Throw in the rest of the veggies plus the pepper and Greek-style spice and cook, stirring frequently, until the veggies are partly burned on the surfaces.
Turn off the heat, wait until the pan cools way down and add the soup (you can't add it to a hot pan or it instantly curdles; I found this out the hard way). Or, while you fry the veggies you can be gently heating up the soup in a different pot, then add the finished veggies to it. Stir in the salt, if necessary (I personally rarely add salt to any IP soup-based dish), and serve.
The slightly-burned flavour is what makes it. Next time I do this I think I might put in something like cayenne or nyonya or chili peppers to heat it up that way too, a nice burning foil to the crispy inner romaine lettuce leaves I'm nibbling with it.
I do look back, unfortunately, with a certain amount of disgust. As I said, it's in our culture.
I feel lighter on my feet--I'm always feeling lighter, and still lighter, and then lighter again, on my feet--plus more physically capable and inclined. I handle better, especially on corners. Walking feels different in a way that's hard to describe... almost not quite right, like I'm not sure where my balance is, though I'm not staggering. Or maybe it's disorientingly easy. It's really nice not having my inner thighs rubbing together.
I also handle heat better. Just now I remembered that the forecast high today is 29 (Celsius), so I checked the temperature out of curiousity (it's about 1 p.m., close to when we usually hit the high) and found it was 28. I was like, "No way! There is no way it is that hot!" I would have guessed maybe 23 or 24, and was wondering whether the forecast was wrong.
In previous recent summers, I would have been very uncomfortable, brain-fried and unable to work without a big-ass fan trained on me (or fleeing inside into the A/C) with my feet swollen up so much they almost hurt. Whatever the physiological reason is for heavy people finding heat hard to handle, it no longer applies to me, or at least not to the same degree. The real test will be when I go to Cuba in November. Rico rico!
Another difference: on hot days, I still go for fairly frequent swims. I no longer wear sandals for the walk from the gravelled parking lot to the beach, however; I go barefoot. This is because with 58 fewer pounds pressing my soles into the stones, it doesn't really hurt any more. There's a sense of freedom to it, like when I was a kid and went everywhere barefoot in summer.
These changes are all amazing and wonderful, but they pale in comparison to what another person I know of must be experiencing.
Last weigh-in, my coach told me that Medispa's Ideal Protein customers, over the year and a half they've been offering the program, have collectively lost more than 8,000 lbs. I had vague notions of being the champion, once I've lost the whole 100 lbs, but she let me know I'm not even close. They have a female client who has lost 180.
Can you imagine that? How different must she look and feel! How must her life have changed! I try to imagine losing three times what I have, and I can't even do it. I asked the coach how she feels emotionally: "Giddy." I bet!
As you probably know, I am a freelance journalist, and hearing this of course pinged my newsy's antennae. 180 lbs. is definitely newspaper-worthy, imo, so long as the client is willing to be so open publicly about it. I have emailed my editor with the idea, and if she likes it, I'll ask the coach to contact the client. I really hope she says yes, and yes also to before-and-after pics. They must be gob-smacking. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile, in my kitchen adventures, I have begun to experiment with cooking vegetables in a very hot skillet, searing them to burned on the outside while only slightly done on the inside so as to get that carbonized, barbecue-ish flavour. I once had a short-lived romance with a person who always used pans that were quite hot, and so learned this approach by observation.
This next soup may or may not work with your skillet at low medium; I don't know, I've only tried it this way. It was also my first experiment with cooking daikon, which I think worked.
Mushroom Chicken Soup
1 packet IP Chicken Flavoured Soup, mixed in your shaker as usual
2 portabella mushrooms, diced
6-8 snow peas, cut into quarters
1 tablespoon diced daikon
2 tablespoons chopped red onions
1 tsp olive oil
sea salt, pepper and Greek-style spice mix to taste
Heat up the pan with the oil spread over the bottom at high medium until it starts smoking. Throw in the onions, cook just long enough, stirring frequently, to turn their surfaces golden brown while they remain raw inside--remember, you're not supposed to have cooked onions, this is a micro-cheat--then remove them from the heat. Throw in the rest of the veggies plus the pepper and Greek-style spice and cook, stirring frequently, until the veggies are partly burned on the surfaces.
Turn off the heat, wait until the pan cools way down and add the soup (you can't add it to a hot pan or it instantly curdles; I found this out the hard way). Or, while you fry the veggies you can be gently heating up the soup in a different pot, then add the finished veggies to it. Stir in the salt, if necessary (I personally rarely add salt to any IP soup-based dish), and serve.
The slightly-burned flavour is what makes it. Next time I do this I think I might put in something like cayenne or nyonya or chili peppers to heat it up that way too, a nice burning foil to the crispy inner romaine lettuce leaves I'm nibbling with it.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Soupapalooza
IP Chicken Noodle Soup, mixed the usual way
zucchini slices \
diced red pepper --- 2 cups
diced mushrooms /
1 tbsp chopped garlic
sea salt and pepper to taste
Saute the veggies to doneness of your preference, garlic just long enough to change taste, add soup, serve when heated. Dead simple but it somehow really works... something about how the pepper's sweetness is a foil for the zucchini's tang and the mushrooms are just warm and meaty. I liked this so much I scraped the bowl with my spoon.
(Note: I don't do things like scrape the bowl with my spoon because I'm on a diet. I did that before I got on the diet.)
zucchini slices \
diced red pepper --- 2 cups
diced mushrooms /
1 tbsp chopped garlic
sea salt and pepper to taste
Saute the veggies to doneness of your preference, garlic just long enough to change taste, add soup, serve when heated. Dead simple but it somehow really works... something about how the pepper's sweetness is a foil for the zucchini's tang and the mushrooms are just warm and meaty. I liked this so much I scraped the bowl with my spoon.
(Note: I don't do things like scrape the bowl with my spoon because I'm on a diet. I did that before I got on the diet.)
Cilantro Veggie Soup (Day (102)
According to shiatsu teachings, if you do something for 100 days, it becomes indelible habit. I guess I am there with this diet, then, and consequently will hit my goal, shrink past it and ultimately starve to death.
No! No I won't. I will just always know how to do the diet. I am in Phase One. As you approach the goal you transition gradually to maintenance helpings of carbs and fats by going through Phases Two and Three. Phase Four is maintenance.
Anyway, this past weekend was the Muskoka Novel Marathon, the organization of which I co-lead. A whirlwind of busy-ness, between organizational co-leader duties and trying to write something worth submitting for judging... and a bit of a challenge, similar to travelling, in the IP sense. I was very much helped by the fact that the Den Mother--whose purview is the care and feeding of the writers--happens also to be on the IP diet. In fact when I was having moments of weakness--our sponsors were providing us things like creme brule and trifle--she scolded me into adherence, in her loving way. "Don't even look, Karen! Don't even look!"
In fact, between the two of us talking it up to the writers, and how we both look compared to last year's novel marathon (she has lost 25 lbs. in 5 weeks), I predict that 2-4 writers who were there will undertake the diet. Stay tuned.
What, you want to know how I looked? Well, all right. To set this up: back when I was in my late 20s or early 30s and still reasonably svelte, my dear friend Louise Hypher tailored a shirt for me based on that which the main character of my published novels wears officially. Of course it has not fit me for about two decades. But before the Novel Marathon I decided to try it on, and--ha!--I can get into it. So I wore it on the third and final day of the marathon, and fellow marathoner Lori Twining got a pic. I was so much in la-la land I forgot to take off the phones.
Now, enjoy this Cilantro Veggie Soup:
1 packet IP Chicken Flavour Soup, shaken as usual
Bok choi ------
Red pepper \ ___ 2 cups
Green onions /
Mushrooms----
1 tsp olive oil
2 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
1 tsp chopped garlic
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
2 tsp lime juice
Fresh ground black pepper to taste
Heat up the oil, chicken stock and black pepper in a frying pan. Chop veggies, cilantro and garlic and add. Fry until veggies are done. Add soup, stir in lime juice, serve. Some cilantro leaves artistically arranged would be a nice garnish for this. Non-IP version, substitute regular cream of chicken soup from a can, or home-made chicken stock with heavy cream. Yes, this is one of mine.
No! No I won't. I will just always know how to do the diet. I am in Phase One. As you approach the goal you transition gradually to maintenance helpings of carbs and fats by going through Phases Two and Three. Phase Four is maintenance.
Anyway, this past weekend was the Muskoka Novel Marathon, the organization of which I co-lead. A whirlwind of busy-ness, between organizational co-leader duties and trying to write something worth submitting for judging... and a bit of a challenge, similar to travelling, in the IP sense. I was very much helped by the fact that the Den Mother--whose purview is the care and feeding of the writers--happens also to be on the IP diet. In fact when I was having moments of weakness--our sponsors were providing us things like creme brule and trifle--she scolded me into adherence, in her loving way. "Don't even look, Karen! Don't even look!"
In fact, between the two of us talking it up to the writers, and how we both look compared to last year's novel marathon (she has lost 25 lbs. in 5 weeks), I predict that 2-4 writers who were there will undertake the diet. Stay tuned.
What, you want to know how I looked? Well, all right. To set this up: back when I was in my late 20s or early 30s and still reasonably svelte, my dear friend Louise Hypher tailored a shirt for me based on that which the main character of my published novels wears officially. Of course it has not fit me for about two decades. But before the Novel Marathon I decided to try it on, and--ha!--I can get into it. So I wore it on the third and final day of the marathon, and fellow marathoner Lori Twining got a pic. I was so much in la-la land I forgot to take off the phones.
 |
| July 16, 2012 - down 53 lbs. |
Now, enjoy this Cilantro Veggie Soup:
1 packet IP Chicken Flavour Soup, shaken as usual
Bok choi ------
Red pepper \ ___ 2 cups
Green onions /
Mushrooms----
1 tsp olive oil
2 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
1 tsp chopped garlic
1 tbsp chopped cilantro
2 tsp lime juice
Fresh ground black pepper to taste
Heat up the oil, chicken stock and black pepper in a frying pan. Chop veggies, cilantro and garlic and add. Fry until veggies are done. Add soup, stir in lime juice, serve. Some cilantro leaves artistically arranged would be a nice garnish for this. Non-IP version, substitute regular cream of chicken soup from a can, or home-made chicken stock with heavy cream. Yes, this is one of mine.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Thing that I have learned while on the IP diet
1) More about how to cook vegetables. In fact, more about how to cook, period. I cook way more, and different foods, than I did pre-diet.
2) What they say in the instructions about protein packet contents being hard to scrub off of cookware is true. However they soak off easily.
3) Tearing open an Ideal Protein packet with wet fingers is physically impossible.
4) People who know and like you don't pay as much attention to your weight as you think. Or as your mother does.
5) People have trouble believing that you can lose weight without exercising.
6) Walden Farms salad dressings don't taste like what they're imitating, but can be made acceptable with copious additional seasoning.
7) The diet still works with microcheating--so long as it stays micro.
and finally -- the biggie:
8) Contrary to my former belief, it is possible to lose weight without major suffering.
2) What they say in the instructions about protein packet contents being hard to scrub off of cookware is true. However they soak off easily.
3) Tearing open an Ideal Protein packet with wet fingers is physically impossible.
4) People who know and like you don't pay as much attention to your weight as you think. Or as your mother does.
5) People have trouble believing that you can lose weight without exercising.
6) Walden Farms salad dressings don't taste like what they're imitating, but can be made acceptable with copious additional seasoning.
7) The diet still works with microcheating--so long as it stays micro.
and finally -- the biggie:
8) Contrary to my former belief, it is possible to lose weight without major suffering.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Past halfway (Day 93)
A thousand pardons for not posting in all this time. What has happened is that the diet is no longer this shiny fresh new amazing toy I've got, a top-priority item in my life. It has settled down into a routine and become normal, and other parts of my life have re-affirmed their primacy in my energy and attention.
That does not mean, however, that I do not continue extremely happy with it. At 13 weeks I am down 53 lbs., more than half-way to my 100-lb. goal and still averaging about 4 lbs. loss per week. Every time I catch a glimpse of my shadow on the wall or my reflection in a mirror, I am struck by the squareness of my shoulders or the reclaimed angularity of my face. People notice less than I wish they would--I think they will when I've lost more--but some still notice, and I get lots of "You look fantastic!"
The wardrobe is currently a good news-bad news area. I have no swimsuit that fits properly, but don't want to buy one at the moment for obvious reasons. My granny-underwear are falling off. I am wearing wrap-around and elastic-waisted skirts. I have old stuff that I'm hauling out of the closet because it fits once again. I bought something out of necessity: a totally adjustable belt, else my non-elastic pants are down around my ankles. I have a beautiful purple tunic-top with shoulder-pads and an attached sash, a really science-fictiony thing that is still elegant enough to wear to a formal event. I said mournfully to Melissa, when I was down about 45 lbs., "I don't want to shrink out of this!" She said gently, "I hate to say it, but you already have." Fortunately I have another dear friend who is a costumer, ergo quite a good tailor, and she says she'll take it in for me. I hope it works, because I can't imagine being able to replace it.
Perhaps a year or two ago, I went to the Barrie Value Village and found this beautiful shirt in a two-colour fabric... burgundy with a blue/teal sheen. I whipped it off the rack, tried it on and found to my misery that it was way too small for me, the front panels not coming even within three or four inches of each other, let alone buttonable. Because I couldn't stand not to, I bought it anyway, thinking maybe someday I'll lose weight... even though the voice of sense was telling me Don't be stupid... no you won't. It'll end up in your closet with all those other things that don't fit you.
It fits me now. Still a tad tight, but it buttons. About four weeks ago, before it really fit me, I took it in to show my coaches, telling them the story. They gave me coaches' orders to bring it back in each weigh-in. Last one--yesterday--it fit.
When I was at 40 lbs. or so down, I was carrying one of those 18-litre bottles of spring water up my stairs. They weigh 18 kg, of course, which is about 40 lbs. As I hauled it, I thought to myself, "That's how hard it used to be to walk up these stairs when I was carrying nothing."
When I walk, I feel a bit as if I'm gliding; when I get up from a chair, I feel sort of as if I float up. I walk faster, and have been told I walk more gracefully. I feel as if I am reclaiming mobility, which was one of my reasons for doing this.
Looking at pictures of myself as I was before I started... on my driver's license, my passport, in albums... well, alas, there is disgust there. I ostensibly refused to condemn myself at the time, but at some level I think I did anyway, because it's in our culture. Fat is associated with negative character traits such as greed, selfishness and laziness. (Also jolliness, a stereotype I definitely fit; but it can also mean people not taking you seriously.) It de-sexualizes a woman, taking her out of the mainstream marketplace at least. Our culture has trained our eyes to see fat as ugly, and I've internalized all this as much as everyone else, for all I didn't want to.
The upside, however, is that I love looking at myself in the mirror now. I can never become wrinkle-free as in youth, but it's still like watching years roll back. I weigh now what I did 15 or so years ago. I am blessed with fairly smooth, clear skin and hair that refuses to turn grey other than a few strands at the temples (same as my mother--hers was like that at age 64 when she died). My hair has come to seem more voluminous, in contrast with my less-voluminous face. I was already sometimes being mistaken for mid-30s at the age of 50. It's only going to get better.
The beautiful thing is that once I hit slender, I will wear things I never would have worn the last time I was, when I was in my twenties. I had a severe self-esteem problem then, and I avoided dressing fashionably or even what you would call well. Hating my body, I never dressed to show it off. Here is something I suspect most people don't understand about low self-esteem and appearance: it's not that people with low self-esteem can't be bothered to enhance it, or feel that it's futile. It's that they feel that looking good would be fraudulent, creating a false impression of them as worthwhile people when they are really worthless people. That is certainly what I felt.
But I don't any more, and not only that, but today there are styles that I like and that would suit me as there weren't back then. Like the slender androgynous/athletic look; I am totally going for that. (Melissa looks great in it, but I won't stick to earth tones as she does; I'm more the jewel-colour type.) Or these free-hanging flowing tops based on classical draping that are so in now--they're gorgeous. (I've picked up a few, but I'm shrinking out of them... and I've been too heavy to carry most of the nicest ones.) I plan to dress to show off my body...especially its slenderness... and to sometimes be flashy in an offbeat, artsy but still snappish sort of way. I don't care what anyone thinks, and I no longer feel it's fraudulent.
I do not actually know whether it's possible for me to slim down to well-defined muscularity--though Jo-Ann's words, anything is possible, remain always in my mind--but I have always wanted that, and maybe I'll get back into working out just to attain it.
The one thing I worry about is the post-C-section "apron" tummy. There's a lot of extra skin there, already hanging down over the bikini scar. How much will it tighten up? Exercise would help--not that I'm allowed it, yet--but sometimes it simply doesn't get rid of extra skin. Would I go for surgery? Ehh... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
My confidence in terms of body image has gone through the roof, and that has pulled up my general confidence and positivity. I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
I have this absolutely gorgeous black and dark-green satin chongsam, embroidered all over, that dates back from the 80s... I can't even remember how my ex and I acquired it, but I think I only wore it a few times before I got too big to. I just tried it on now. Three months ago I couldn't even have got my shoulders into it; now I can, but it's still too small around the middle.
But I will wear it. I am certain of that.
That does not mean, however, that I do not continue extremely happy with it. At 13 weeks I am down 53 lbs., more than half-way to my 100-lb. goal and still averaging about 4 lbs. loss per week. Every time I catch a glimpse of my shadow on the wall or my reflection in a mirror, I am struck by the squareness of my shoulders or the reclaimed angularity of my face. People notice less than I wish they would--I think they will when I've lost more--but some still notice, and I get lots of "You look fantastic!"
The wardrobe is currently a good news-bad news area. I have no swimsuit that fits properly, but don't want to buy one at the moment for obvious reasons. My granny-underwear are falling off. I am wearing wrap-around and elastic-waisted skirts. I have old stuff that I'm hauling out of the closet because it fits once again. I bought something out of necessity: a totally adjustable belt, else my non-elastic pants are down around my ankles. I have a beautiful purple tunic-top with shoulder-pads and an attached sash, a really science-fictiony thing that is still elegant enough to wear to a formal event. I said mournfully to Melissa, when I was down about 45 lbs., "I don't want to shrink out of this!" She said gently, "I hate to say it, but you already have." Fortunately I have another dear friend who is a costumer, ergo quite a good tailor, and she says she'll take it in for me. I hope it works, because I can't imagine being able to replace it.
Perhaps a year or two ago, I went to the Barrie Value Village and found this beautiful shirt in a two-colour fabric... burgundy with a blue/teal sheen. I whipped it off the rack, tried it on and found to my misery that it was way too small for me, the front panels not coming even within three or four inches of each other, let alone buttonable. Because I couldn't stand not to, I bought it anyway, thinking maybe someday I'll lose weight... even though the voice of sense was telling me Don't be stupid... no you won't. It'll end up in your closet with all those other things that don't fit you.
It fits me now. Still a tad tight, but it buttons. About four weeks ago, before it really fit me, I took it in to show my coaches, telling them the story. They gave me coaches' orders to bring it back in each weigh-in. Last one--yesterday--it fit.
When I was at 40 lbs. or so down, I was carrying one of those 18-litre bottles of spring water up my stairs. They weigh 18 kg, of course, which is about 40 lbs. As I hauled it, I thought to myself, "That's how hard it used to be to walk up these stairs when I was carrying nothing."
When I walk, I feel a bit as if I'm gliding; when I get up from a chair, I feel sort of as if I float up. I walk faster, and have been told I walk more gracefully. I feel as if I am reclaiming mobility, which was one of my reasons for doing this.
Looking at pictures of myself as I was before I started... on my driver's license, my passport, in albums... well, alas, there is disgust there. I ostensibly refused to condemn myself at the time, but at some level I think I did anyway, because it's in our culture. Fat is associated with negative character traits such as greed, selfishness and laziness. (Also jolliness, a stereotype I definitely fit; but it can also mean people not taking you seriously.) It de-sexualizes a woman, taking her out of the mainstream marketplace at least. Our culture has trained our eyes to see fat as ugly, and I've internalized all this as much as everyone else, for all I didn't want to.
The upside, however, is that I love looking at myself in the mirror now. I can never become wrinkle-free as in youth, but it's still like watching years roll back. I weigh now what I did 15 or so years ago. I am blessed with fairly smooth, clear skin and hair that refuses to turn grey other than a few strands at the temples (same as my mother--hers was like that at age 64 when she died). My hair has come to seem more voluminous, in contrast with my less-voluminous face. I was already sometimes being mistaken for mid-30s at the age of 50. It's only going to get better.
The beautiful thing is that once I hit slender, I will wear things I never would have worn the last time I was, when I was in my twenties. I had a severe self-esteem problem then, and I avoided dressing fashionably or even what you would call well. Hating my body, I never dressed to show it off. Here is something I suspect most people don't understand about low self-esteem and appearance: it's not that people with low self-esteem can't be bothered to enhance it, or feel that it's futile. It's that they feel that looking good would be fraudulent, creating a false impression of them as worthwhile people when they are really worthless people. That is certainly what I felt.
But I don't any more, and not only that, but today there are styles that I like and that would suit me as there weren't back then. Like the slender androgynous/athletic look; I am totally going for that. (Melissa looks great in it, but I won't stick to earth tones as she does; I'm more the jewel-colour type.) Or these free-hanging flowing tops based on classical draping that are so in now--they're gorgeous. (I've picked up a few, but I'm shrinking out of them... and I've been too heavy to carry most of the nicest ones.) I plan to dress to show off my body...especially its slenderness... and to sometimes be flashy in an offbeat, artsy but still snappish sort of way. I don't care what anyone thinks, and I no longer feel it's fraudulent.
I do not actually know whether it's possible for me to slim down to well-defined muscularity--though Jo-Ann's words, anything is possible, remain always in my mind--but I have always wanted that, and maybe I'll get back into working out just to attain it.
The one thing I worry about is the post-C-section "apron" tummy. There's a lot of extra skin there, already hanging down over the bikini scar. How much will it tighten up? Exercise would help--not that I'm allowed it, yet--but sometimes it simply doesn't get rid of extra skin. Would I go for surgery? Ehh... I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
My confidence in terms of body image has gone through the roof, and that has pulled up my general confidence and positivity. I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
I have this absolutely gorgeous black and dark-green satin chongsam, embroidered all over, that dates back from the 80s... I can't even remember how my ex and I acquired it, but I think I only wore it a few times before I got too big to. I just tried it on now. Three months ago I couldn't even have got my shoulders into it; now I can, but it's still too small around the middle.
But I will wear it. I am certain of that.
Friday, June 8, 2012
I hope no one has gotten the impression that because I haven't posted for a while, I've quit dieting. Not at all. I had my 9-week weigh-in today for a five-pound loss, total so far in the diet: 38. So I am still averaging a little more than four pounds loss per week, which is to my satisfaction.
I just have been very busy with other things, and also went through something of a depression. What happens when I am depressed or anxious is that I get carb cravings. They can start almost immediately after I have a meal, and last for hours. One possible culprit was flushed out: chicken-stock powder for which I didn't have packaging to check its carb content (I bought it bulk). I bought some super-low carb liquid stuff. But that hasn't totally solved the problem. It's emotional.
You might suspect, reading about someone losing a lot of weight in one shot, that it is perhaps not the only major change happening in their life. That would be true with me, though to explain the whole thing would take up too much space here. Perhaps the best way to explain it is breaking away from negative energy: negative thought-patterns, negative habits, negative relationships. I have my ups and downs, my triumphs and discouragements, my struggles when the nasty past succeeds in dragging me back into that old "I am worthless" worldview. But when I do a retrospective, I see I am doing as well with that whole process as I am with the diet.
I've hit on a few winner recipes that unfortunately I didn't record and so are down the memory-hole. But I can say at this point I've perfected the morning omelet enough that I always have it the same way now: the seasonings are about 1/4 tsp sea-salt, 1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic, and 1/4 tsp poultry seasoning. The poultry seasoning, I would say, is the secret. I also have learned that you can make the IP "Tomato Basil Soup," which tastes pretty lame, taste half-decent by the addition of a hefty amount of chopped garlic and a slight amount of curry powder--not enough to actually make the soup taste like a curry, just enough to deepen and complicate the taste.
But here's a winner I came up with today:
IP Curry Leek Soup
Chopped asparagus \
Chopped portabello mushrooms |-- 2 cups
Chopped Belgian endive /
2 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
2 tsp chopped garlic
1 packet IP Cream of Leek soup
ground pepper, sea salt and curry powder to taste. (Again - not enough curry to make it taste like a curry.)
Saute the veggies, pepper and garlic in the chicken stock. Mix soup in your shaker as usual, adding curry and salt. When veggies are al dente, pour soup over them, keep on heat until soup is piping hot (but not until it curdles) and serve.
With the leek flavour and the garlic, this soup has a strong allium orientation, and I was thinking of enhancing that with another little trick I use to get around the no-cooked-onions rule: buying one of the sweeter types of onions, e.g. Vidalia, and cooking it very slightly, just enough to heat. That mostly keeps its raw zingy flavour. I decided after tasting this soup that that would be too much; the Belgian endive adds enough tang. Adding the curry is a perfect foil to the allium taste (you might notice in Indian cooking they use onions and curry together all the time).
I just have been very busy with other things, and also went through something of a depression. What happens when I am depressed or anxious is that I get carb cravings. They can start almost immediately after I have a meal, and last for hours. One possible culprit was flushed out: chicken-stock powder for which I didn't have packaging to check its carb content (I bought it bulk). I bought some super-low carb liquid stuff. But that hasn't totally solved the problem. It's emotional.
You might suspect, reading about someone losing a lot of weight in one shot, that it is perhaps not the only major change happening in their life. That would be true with me, though to explain the whole thing would take up too much space here. Perhaps the best way to explain it is breaking away from negative energy: negative thought-patterns, negative habits, negative relationships. I have my ups and downs, my triumphs and discouragements, my struggles when the nasty past succeeds in dragging me back into that old "I am worthless" worldview. But when I do a retrospective, I see I am doing as well with that whole process as I am with the diet.
I've hit on a few winner recipes that unfortunately I didn't record and so are down the memory-hole. But I can say at this point I've perfected the morning omelet enough that I always have it the same way now: the seasonings are about 1/4 tsp sea-salt, 1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic, and 1/4 tsp poultry seasoning. The poultry seasoning, I would say, is the secret. I also have learned that you can make the IP "Tomato Basil Soup," which tastes pretty lame, taste half-decent by the addition of a hefty amount of chopped garlic and a slight amount of curry powder--not enough to actually make the soup taste like a curry, just enough to deepen and complicate the taste.
But here's a winner I came up with today:
IP Curry Leek Soup
Chopped asparagus \
Chopped portabello mushrooms |-- 2 cups
Chopped Belgian endive /
2 tbsp low-carb chicken stock
2 tsp chopped garlic
1 packet IP Cream of Leek soup
ground pepper, sea salt and curry powder to taste. (Again - not enough curry to make it taste like a curry.)
Saute the veggies, pepper and garlic in the chicken stock. Mix soup in your shaker as usual, adding curry and salt. When veggies are al dente, pour soup over them, keep on heat until soup is piping hot (but not until it curdles) and serve.
With the leek flavour and the garlic, this soup has a strong allium orientation, and I was thinking of enhancing that with another little trick I use to get around the no-cooked-onions rule: buying one of the sweeter types of onions, e.g. Vidalia, and cooking it very slightly, just enough to heat. That mostly keeps its raw zingy flavour. I decided after tasting this soup that that would be too much; the Belgian endive adds enough tang. Adding the curry is a perfect foil to the allium taste (you might notice in Indian cooking they use onions and curry together all the time).
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Belgian Endive Soup (Day 40)
Did I mention that at my last weigh-in, despite taking off my 2-lb. sweater (this worked last time) I found I had lost only two pounds? Possibly this is why I have been somewhat discouraged and depressed the past few days. Not sure whether it was falling short on water intake, doing too many "mini-cheats" like a morsel of chicken skin, or what. Or maybe it was averaging out the 6-lb. loss of the week before. I am doing my best to stay positive, anyway.
It does not seem to be pre-period water-weight gain... this diet has apparently catapulted me into menopause. I should have had two periods since I started, and I haven't even had spotting. I was having hot-flash-like spells earlier, but they've gone away again.
Another thing bothering me is boredom with the vegetables I am eating. To combat that, the other day when I went shopping I decided to buy one vegetable I had never eaten before, or at least cooked (I might have eaten it as part of a restaurant meal I can't remember). Unfortunately the Huntsville FreshCo doesn't have that big a selection... a few weird ones they brought in right after they did their big facelife (and pricelift) are gone now, victims of lack of interest. I did however find Belgian endive, so I grabbed one.
Casting about on the net I found this soup which I saw could be adapted. Here is my version (no food processor required):
1 packet IP Cream of Chicken Soup, mixed the usual way
1 Belgian endive, minced
3 green onions, minced
1 portabello mushroom, minced
1 tsp olive oil
2 tsp chopped garlic
1 squirt of lemon juice
sea salt and pepper to taste
Saute all ingredients but the soup together until they're a little cooked, not mush. Add the soup. In the original version, you sprinkle it with chopped chives (I was too lazy) and garnish it with a sprig of dill floating on one leaf of the endive like a boat for a very elegant look. All IP compliant, so go for it.
A day or two before that my lunch IP soup was Tomato Basil. On first try, I didn't like it much... I should have known, I've never liked tomato soups. I was hoping the basil would make it palatable. I think perhaps they don't add enough, so perhaps that would help. However what I found on this last try was that it is saved entirely by the addition of half a tablespoon of chopped garlic and about a teaspoon of curry powder. Mwah!
--
It does not seem to be pre-period water-weight gain... this diet has apparently catapulted me into menopause. I should have had two periods since I started, and I haven't even had spotting. I was having hot-flash-like spells earlier, but they've gone away again.
Another thing bothering me is boredom with the vegetables I am eating. To combat that, the other day when I went shopping I decided to buy one vegetable I had never eaten before, or at least cooked (I might have eaten it as part of a restaurant meal I can't remember). Unfortunately the Huntsville FreshCo doesn't have that big a selection... a few weird ones they brought in right after they did their big facelife (and pricelift) are gone now, victims of lack of interest. I did however find Belgian endive, so I grabbed one.
Casting about on the net I found this soup which I saw could be adapted. Here is my version (no food processor required):
1 packet IP Cream of Chicken Soup, mixed the usual way
1 Belgian endive, minced
3 green onions, minced
1 portabello mushroom, minced
1 tsp olive oil
2 tsp chopped garlic
1 squirt of lemon juice
sea salt and pepper to taste
Saute all ingredients but the soup together until they're a little cooked, not mush. Add the soup. In the original version, you sprinkle it with chopped chives (I was too lazy) and garnish it with a sprig of dill floating on one leaf of the endive like a boat for a very elegant look. All IP compliant, so go for it.
A day or two before that my lunch IP soup was Tomato Basil. On first try, I didn't like it much... I should have known, I've never liked tomato soups. I was hoping the basil would make it palatable. I think perhaps they don't add enough, so perhaps that would help. However what I found on this last try was that it is saved entirely by the addition of half a tablespoon of chopped garlic and about a teaspoon of curry powder. Mwah!
--
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Another keeper soup (Day 31)
Last weigh-in before this one I was in a big hurry and so I made my choices for lunch easy by grabbing a full box (seven days' worth) of cream of chicken soup. (You buy the IP foods right there in the clinic; that's how they make their bucks.)
Accordingly I've been feeling compelled to come up with ways to make chicken soup different each day and have tried all sorts of things. Here's the latest:
1 packet IP Cream of Chicken Soup, mixed in your shaker as usual
1 fistful of chives ripped off one of the clumps taking over your garden (to feel virtuous, count this as "weeding") (store-bought will do) finely chopped
broccoli \
cauliflower -- 2 cups
portabello mushrooms /
1/4 cup chicken stock
1/2 tbsp chopped garlic
sea salt & pepper to taste
Sautee broccoli and cauliflower in a little chicken stock until tender. Add mushrooms, chives and other seasonings, plus more stock if necessary, frying until garlic is cooked. Add soup, mix and serve. Non-IP version: use canned cream of chicken soup, or chicken stock and heavy cream.
--
Accordingly I've been feeling compelled to come up with ways to make chicken soup different each day and have tried all sorts of things. Here's the latest:
1 packet IP Cream of Chicken Soup, mixed in your shaker as usual
1 fistful of chives ripped off one of the clumps taking over your garden (to feel virtuous, count this as "weeding") (store-bought will do) finely chopped
broccoli \
cauliflower -- 2 cups
portabello mushrooms /
1/4 cup chicken stock
1/2 tbsp chopped garlic
sea salt & pepper to taste
Sautee broccoli and cauliflower in a little chicken stock until tender. Add mushrooms, chives and other seasonings, plus more stock if necessary, frying until garlic is cooked. Add soup, mix and serve. Non-IP version: use canned cream of chicken soup, or chicken stock and heavy cream.
--
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Breakfast keeper (Day 30)
Does zucchini work in an omelet? Only one way to find out.
(BTW, I'm prettying it up to call the dish as I cook it an omelet. The IP call the protein package that, and Marv and Melissa certainly cook it that way. Mad in a hurry as I always am, though, it turns into scrambled eggs pretty quick.)
The mushroom/green pepper omelet has become a morning routine, btw. For some reason, in the morning I like to know what I am going to eat without any thought or planning. I do at lunchtime too, actually. Breakfast I have attained... lunch, not so easy. That's the hardest meal of the three.
Anyway, I decided I wanted to mix the routine up a bit today, and thus found zucchini does work, quite nicely, at least as well as green pepper.
So:
IP Complaint Zucchini omelet
1 packet IP Plain Omelet
1 tsp olive oil
about 2 1/2 inches of an average-sized zucchini, finely diced
3 white mushrooms, finely diced
1 1/2 tbsp chopped pickled roasted red peppers
1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic
sea salt & fresh-ground black pepper to taste
Start sauteeing the zucch, shrooms and peppers in the oil. Mix omelet package with 100 ml water plus salt, to have omelet prepared. When veggies are close to done, add pepper and garlic. Once the garlic is cooked, pour in the omelet mixture. Cook as omelet or scrambled. Serves one who likes looking at herself in the mirror.
Non-IP version, very simple: substitute two well-beaten eggs for the IP packet.
--
(BTW, I'm prettying it up to call the dish as I cook it an omelet. The IP call the protein package that, and Marv and Melissa certainly cook it that way. Mad in a hurry as I always am, though, it turns into scrambled eggs pretty quick.)
The mushroom/green pepper omelet has become a morning routine, btw. For some reason, in the morning I like to know what I am going to eat without any thought or planning. I do at lunchtime too, actually. Breakfast I have attained... lunch, not so easy. That's the hardest meal of the three.
Anyway, I decided I wanted to mix the routine up a bit today, and thus found zucchini does work, quite nicely, at least as well as green pepper.
So:
IP Complaint Zucchini omelet
1 packet IP Plain Omelet
1 tsp olive oil
about 2 1/2 inches of an average-sized zucchini, finely diced
3 white mushrooms, finely diced
1 1/2 tbsp chopped pickled roasted red peppers
1 1/2 tsp chopped garlic
sea salt & fresh-ground black pepper to taste
Start sauteeing the zucch, shrooms and peppers in the oil. Mix omelet package with 100 ml water plus salt, to have omelet prepared. When veggies are close to done, add pepper and garlic. Once the garlic is cooked, pour in the omelet mixture. Cook as omelet or scrambled. Serves one who likes looking at herself in the mirror.
Non-IP version, very simple: substitute two well-beaten eggs for the IP packet.
--
Friday, May 4, 2012
Weigh-in 4 and new product (Day 28)
This time I asked the ladies at MediSpa (Jane, who is leaving for a new job after today and Donna, whom she was training and who will be working with me from now on) to make a photocopy of my progress chart.
Thus I can tell you that in four weeks on the diet I have lost:
I counted this past week (loss of six lbs.) as a test of how it will go for me now that I am past the start, past the two weekends away in a row (though Melissa and Marv totally took care of my IP needs while I was with them helping out at Wisdom Toronto 2012 Weekend One)... and into the long middle stretch. I am confident now that I can average losing five a week, which I wasn't sure about after last week and the week before.
At five a week and now down to 80 to lose, that's 16 weeks... end of August.
Or I might decide that 143, which is about where I'd end up... isn't enough, and take off some more by going into the fall... I'm going to see how it goes, how I look, and where I want to go.
The stunning thing here is... the feeling of being in control of this.
At today's weigh-in Jane and Donna pointed out a new IP product to me -- Chicken a la King pottage. So I grabbed a packet, said I'd try it, and promised them a review.... here goes.
The first thing you need to know is how to prepare it, because that might not be on your preparation cheat sheet; it's not on mine. Mix 200 ml of cold water with the packet in your shaker, shake until smooth, heat in the microwave 1-2 minutes, then let stand. The letting stand part is important, because the pottage has bits of chicken and vegetable in it (including corn! Yes! There's CORN in this!). They are in a desiccated form for packaging and so you have to let the water work its way in, or else the veggies are like little stones and the chicken like chips of wood. In fact be careful to mash apart any lumps of them... I didn't do that with one that got stuck in my ball and a fairly big hunk of chicken was, shall we say, tough. I'd say let it stand 5 minutes at least. I suggest mixing and heating the Chicken a la King first then chopping and cooking your veggies while it stands; you can always throw it back in the nuker for another minute if it gets too cold.
The flavour is similar to Cream of Chicken (and of course I couldn't leave it alone, adding garlic powder and Chinese/Malaysian curry powder, though I'd say it needs no salt)... pleasant, slightly meaty and warming, nice for a chill day. (In summer I know I am going to switch to the drinks like Pina Colada, Peach Mango etc.) It's those little pieces that make it, however, adding variety and texture, and, of course... just a wee soupçon of, bwaahahahahahaaa, CHEAT! When you're on a diet, you've got to love that. I've had lots of chicken since I started but not a speck of corn. I guess the thinking here is that it's such a tiny amount it's okay.
Will I eat it again? Sure, with the above caveat. Recommended.
--
Thus I can tell you that in four weeks on the diet I have lost:
- 6 inches around the chest
- 8 inches around the waist
- 1 inch around the hips
- 1.5 inches around the upper arm
- 0 inches around the thigh (I don't hold weight on my thighs)
I counted this past week (loss of six lbs.) as a test of how it will go for me now that I am past the start, past the two weekends away in a row (though Melissa and Marv totally took care of my IP needs while I was with them helping out at Wisdom Toronto 2012 Weekend One)... and into the long middle stretch. I am confident now that I can average losing five a week, which I wasn't sure about after last week and the week before.
At five a week and now down to 80 to lose, that's 16 weeks... end of August.
Or I might decide that 143, which is about where I'd end up... isn't enough, and take off some more by going into the fall... I'm going to see how it goes, how I look, and where I want to go.
The stunning thing here is... the feeling of being in control of this.
§
At today's weigh-in Jane and Donna pointed out a new IP product to me -- Chicken a la King pottage. So I grabbed a packet, said I'd try it, and promised them a review.... here goes.
The first thing you need to know is how to prepare it, because that might not be on your preparation cheat sheet; it's not on mine. Mix 200 ml of cold water with the packet in your shaker, shake until smooth, heat in the microwave 1-2 minutes, then let stand. The letting stand part is important, because the pottage has bits of chicken and vegetable in it (including corn! Yes! There's CORN in this!). They are in a desiccated form for packaging and so you have to let the water work its way in, or else the veggies are like little stones and the chicken like chips of wood. In fact be careful to mash apart any lumps of them... I didn't do that with one that got stuck in my ball and a fairly big hunk of chicken was, shall we say, tough. I'd say let it stand 5 minutes at least. I suggest mixing and heating the Chicken a la King first then chopping and cooking your veggies while it stands; you can always throw it back in the nuker for another minute if it gets too cold.
The flavour is similar to Cream of Chicken (and of course I couldn't leave it alone, adding garlic powder and Chinese/Malaysian curry powder, though I'd say it needs no salt)... pleasant, slightly meaty and warming, nice for a chill day. (In summer I know I am going to switch to the drinks like Pina Colada, Peach Mango etc.) It's those little pieces that make it, however, adding variety and texture, and, of course... just a wee soupçon of, bwaahahahahahaaa, CHEAT! When you're on a diet, you've got to love that. I've had lots of chicken since I started but not a speck of corn. I guess the thinking here is that it's such a tiny amount it's okay.
Will I eat it again? Sure, with the above caveat. Recommended.
--
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