The nature of the addiction (Day Five)

"9. Realize that you are addicted and once you quit ... You will hurt!"

That was the final point on a page sent to me by Melissa and Marv's Ideal Protein coach, on how to use visioning to succeed on the diet.

I liked the visioning part.  I do have a vision, made up of a combination of how Melissa looks now, how I look in old photographs and how I remember feeling when I weighed less.  I don't need to bring it to mind often, or put an image representing it up on my fridge, or repeat words expressing my commitment to it every day.  It's just there, real and compelling.

I didn't like that last point.  My life has had much too much of the negative in it.  I am all too good at accepting the negative; the last thing I need is more training in that.  I need training in accepting the positive.

Turns out it's wrong anyway, at least if it's true that Days 3-5 are the worst.  Discomfort this is, yes.  But it's not pain as I measure it.  Not even compared to previous diets.  I do not have any constant gnawing hunger distracting me from my work or other thoughts, as I've had previously.  I get cravings, but it seems easy to dispel them either by taking a swig of tea or thinking about something else, or both.  In fact, really, they go away of themselves.  I've never felt like I had to really struggle to dispel or ignore one.

A change in emotional state?  Maybe.  Food and emotion are very bound up for me.  There are some foods that are deeply comforting; I am sensitive to taste as a rule; I've always counted eating delicious things as one of the chief pleasures of life, and I have turned to that pleasure often when nervous.  But then the last attempt was only three and some years ago, and I had made a lot of improvements in emotional state by then, so I don't think that's it.  I think it's exactly what Dr. Tran says it is: insulin dysfunction being regulated.

And something else, which I think I'm putting together after creating two keeper recipes and having the same mood afterwards both times--a general sense of goodness and contentment, a strong feeling of "all is well."

When I tried the Carbohydrate Addict's Diet, I was sure I was addicted to carbs.  When Shirley said to me sharply once, "If you're addicted to anything, it's fats," I thought that might be true.  When I have felt the need for that one little zap of chocolate late at night, I have wondered if I am addicted to chocolate.  When I gulp one cup of tea after another, it's natural to think I'm addicted to tea... though there's no difference in the inclination whether it's caf or decaf.

But I don't feel carb cravings other than the ones from habit, 'I should be having bread/toast now'.  I don't feel fat cravings except for particular, habitual fats.  Others seem to think these things will oppress me, and I feared it somewhat myself; but they don't.  And I'm not at the stage yet where the hunger is supposed to go away.

I think I get it: I am addicted to flavour.  And texture.  The sheer sensory pleasure of deliciousness.  It's that I take emotional comfort from.

It explains it all: the way the addiction seemed variable or all-encompassing while I was eating what I wanted, the lack of severe cravings while dieting, the reason I am so desperately motivated to be creative with the diet... the feeling of contentment after I hit on a keeper recipe.

Oh and previous failures.  You know what happens when you cut down the amount of food you eat?  Everything tastes better and more intense.  So you want to eat more of it!  I struggled with that every time.

What is beautiful about this is: I don't have to give up this addiction to do the Ideal Protein diet.  I just have to satisfy it within its restrictions.  And the restrictions are very light when it comes to the tools of the craft of flavour: seasonings.  Nor does an IP meal ever leave me feeling like it wasn't enough, which every meal did on past diets (except the Reward Meal in the CA diet).

Woo hoo!  Off to allrecipes.com!

Ingredients

3/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/8 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/8 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon dried parsley
4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves

2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon 1/2 tsp olive oil
2 teaspoons garlic powder
3 tablespoons lime juice

 Easy peasy!

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P.S. :  MmmmmmmmmSMACK!  Keeper!

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